Some losses, such as that of a family member or close friend, are more painful than others. And, the grieving process is different for everyone. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, psychiatrist, author and expert in the field of grief and loss, perhaps said it best when she explained, "there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives."
Grief is a natural, human response to a loss. Meaning a "heavy burden," grief can weigh you down with sorrow and other emotions. It can be painful and exhausting, with both psychological and physical consequences.
The important thing to remember is that grieving a loss is normal. There are no set guidelines regarding how, or how long, a person should grieve. However, it does help to understand the grieving process and when to ask for help.
Based on the work of Kubler-Ross, the following are some common reactions to loss and how people get through the grief process:
The Five Stages of Grief
There are five recognized stages that a person will experience during the grieving process.
- Denial - "This can't be happening to me."
- Anger - "Why is this happening? Who is to blame?"
- Bargaining - "Make this not happen, and in return I will..."
- Depression - "I am too sad to do anything."
- Acceptance - "I'm at peace with what is going to happen/has happened."
Getting Through The Grieving Process
A person who is experience grief and loss will likely experience the following as they embark upon the healing process.
- Shock - The first reaction to loss. This may last minutes or days and may be accompanied by the inability to make decisions or follow your daily routine.
- Suffering - The pain that begins after the shock wears off. This pain can last for weeks, months and intermittently through years. Waves of emotion can include guilt, anger, sadness, anxiety and more. Physical symptoms may include insomnia or sleeping too much, mood swings, depression, changes in appetite, fatigue, inability to concentrate or isolation.
- Recovery - Recovery does not mean the end of pain over a loss, but it does mean that a person has regained the ability to connect to interests and the joyful parts of life.
While a person is grieving, he/she will probably experience a number of depressive symptoms, such as deep sadness, frequent crying and an overall depressed mood. These are all normal responses and, as a general rule, normal grief does not warrant the use of antidepressants.
Finding Support for Grief
Having support from other people is essential during the healing process. It's important to share feelings when grieving, even if not normally inclined to share emotions. Do not try to stifle grief. Healthy grieving allows emotions to surface, which then allows them to be acknowledged and processed.
Try the following sources of support:
- Friends
- Family
- Faith community
- Support groups
- Therapists and other professionals
- Employee assistance programs
When to Seek Additional Help for Grieving
According to the American Cancer Society, about one in five people mourning a death will develop major depression. If grief does not resolve over time, is disabling and continues to be a disrupting factor in a person's life, then it may be a sign of a depressive disorder.
Signs of more serious depression may include the following:
- Intense feelings of guilt
- Inability to function at work/school/home
- Slowed speech and body movements
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Preoccupation with death
- Suicidal thoughts
Emergency care should be sought immediately if a person is talking about or having thoughts of suicide.
