Depression in Loved Ones
Advice on Caring for Someone with a Depressive Illness
This article aims to provide some practical hints for helping friends and family members who are dealing with a depressive illness.
Depression describes an illness of persistent low mood that may completely change how the sufferer sees the world. Carers of sufferers, such as friends and family, may also be affected. It can be painful, frustrating and tiring to see a loved one suffer. Fortunately, depression is a treatable condition and the support of carers can be an important step on the road to recovery.
Depression and Stigma
The current climate of stigma suggests that depression is often misunderstood, and so many sufferers may feel uncomfortable about coming forward. Unfortunately, those that do brave talking about it may find the reactions of their loved ones to be quite unhelpful, even if the intentions are well-meaning. It is therefore important that carers make the effort to become informed about depression.
Helping Someone Who Is Depressed
Carers may find the following ideas helpful:
- Learning about depression. This can help someone who is unfamiliar with the condition to gain some understanding.
- Letting loved ones know that people care, e.g. encouraging them to open up about how they are feeling.
- Keeping in regular contact and offering to spend time with them. Sending a card and/or a gift can show them that they’re well thought of.
- Encouraging them to seek treatments and developing coping mechanisms.
- Keeping a note of local services and support groups that may be able to help.
- Offering to attend appointments with them, if possible.
- Not taking it personally if a loved one lashes out in anger (it is, however, more than reasonable to point out that this is not acceptable).
Caring for someone suffering from a depressive illness can be upsetting and carers may need to seek support for themselves.
Comments to Avoid when Helping Someone Who Is Depressed
There are many myths surrounding depression and often people’s reactions will reflect this.
- “Pull yourself out of it”, “There are people far worse off than you” and “I was depressed on Wednesday” are all trivializing. Depression is a painful, persistent illness – it is not short-lived and cannot be overcome by force of will.
- “It’s all in the mind” is both untrue and unhelpful. Although the causes of depression are unknown, current evidence points to genetic, biological and environmental factors all playing a role.
- “But you’re always depressed” isn’t helpful either. Depression is not normal and shouldn’t be dismissed as so, no matter how prolonged the episode may be.
- “You’re to blame” and “Stop taking pity on yourself” are inappropriate as they suggest weakness and selfishness. Depression is an illness, not a manifestation of character flaws.
Helping Someone Who Is Suicidal
Sometimes, sufferers feel that ending their lives is the only way to end their pain. This can be quite overwhelming for a carer. If a carer suspects that a loved one is suicidal, then it’s important for them to take it seriously. The sufferer should be encouraged to seek a doctor’s advice. Local crisis centers or emergency services can be contacted if there appears to be a risk of imminent suicide.
Read Depression Myths and Realities for more information on depression and the associated myths. Carers can contact a doctor and/or a mental health professional for more information and support.
Sources
Helping a Depressed Person: Helpguide.org, accessed 7th March 2008, authors - Barston, S; Smith, M; Segal, J
When a Loved One has Depression: WebMD, accessed 7th March 2008, no author specified
