Grief for a Loved One's Loss
Bereavement in Death – Reactions, How Long, and Support
Grief discussed in relation to the loss of a loved one, considered the most difficult, being the finality of physical separation.
The word 'grief' describes a natural response when facing a loss. Here, grief is discussed in relation to the physical loss of a loved one, the most difficult as it is the finality of life on earth. The process of grieving is not simple. It could be threatening, confusing, and, at times, misunderstood by others.
At the time of a loved one's death, the feeling might have been shock, disbelief and numbness. Add more undefined feelings if you have been carer, stood by the loved one all the way through the years, day after day, and most especially, in those last moments.
There are weeks when you think you should be getting over the demise that you feel things are even worse. Grief strikes anytime within the week, especially if you live and breathe in the same place where your loved one once thrived with you. It can be depressing, too, when, slowly, even your handful of friends who supported you few days until the funeral service, are back into their busy lives. All of a sudden, you find yourself alone.
Time and again you are on a roller-coaster experiencing grief and sadness when you least expect it, but most often at twilight, when the night is about to seep in, or in the wee hours of the morning just before the day breaks.
The events described are much a part of the healing process in its early stage, and will have to be dealt with by anyone left behind.
Reactions to Expect
- Emotional Reactions
You may feel you are going mad, out of control. Sadness, guilt, shock, anger, loss of self-esteem, emptiness, loneliness, anxiety, despair. Some may experience mental block and disorientation.
Within a week or so, you smell, dream about, and sense the presence of the loved one in the comfort of the home you shared with. Grief Support groups say this is usual.
- Physical Reactions
You may experience lack of sleep, loss of appetite, and fear of the unknown. You are demotivated. More disconcerting are attributes like abdominal pains, gastro-intestinal disturbance, and shortness of breath. All of a sudden you burst into uncontrolled sobs. This could happen anytime, anywhere, and many times.
If more of the physical reactions continue, it is best you discuss the symptoms with your doctor.
- Spiritual Responses
There comes a time when you will struggle with the meaning of life, question your belief system, and may feel disappointed with God. This can happen even to believers. On the other hand, you might find your spiritual belief to provide the utmost support.
How Long Will Grief Take?
The time it takes is different for everyone. Some family members and relatives have the advantage of distance. You can expect that grief will take longer to deal with than most people think it should, especially if you are left alone in the place you lived together.
Special days maybe difficult - anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas and other significant occasions.
Looking After Yourself
- Give yourself a break.
- Avoid making major decisions, if possible.
- Take a good walk each day.
- Eat nutritious food, even if you have small appetite.
- Have a good rest, and
- More ...
Bereavement Support Groups
Seek out community support – bereavement consultant, doctor, minister - if you feel you need help. Family and friends, especially family, should be available to share each other's grief and memories. It's most unfortunate if you have no family support during early days and weeks. Encourage those available to let you grieve your way, on your own time.
A relative or friend who can listen without being patronizing, critical, or judgmental, and without telling you how you should feel and what you should do, is possibly the most valuable source of comfort.
