Helping a Loved One through Depression
Practical Ways to Help Someone on their Journey to Recovery
Oct 31, 2008
Your son, mother, best friend, aunt or neighbour – 5 people in the world. Which one will be the one who experiences an episode of depression? What can you do to help them recover? First things first, understand that depression is a medical condition, not simply a state of mind or a choice to be miserable. Depression is more than just the blues or grief, a person is likely to be experiencing depression if, for more than 2 weeks, they have a depressed mood, a lack of interest in activities they previously found enjoyable; sleep problems (either too little or too much); a feeling of tiredness or lethargy; feelings of guilt or worthlessness; problems concentrating or making decisions; slow or fidgety speech or movements; and thoughts that life is not worth living or thoughts of suicide or self harm. If experiencing these symptoms, a person should see a doctor and seek treatment. However many times the person with depression will not want to admit to any of the symptoms and it will be up to concerned family members and friends to subtly point out that the person may have a problem.
Broaching the subject of depression
In your heart you know that there is something wrong with your loved one and that he/she is not doing anything about it. How can you broach the subject without it having a negative influence on your relationship? Some tips that might help are to:
- Use open ended questions. These are questions that require more than a yes or no answer, however the person experiencing depression may not wish to open up just yet;
- Don’t be sympathetic but empathic. Being empathic means that you give credence to your loved one’s feelings but don’t suggest to them that they should be pitied or felt sorry for.
- Obtain reading material from reputable mental health charities, such as SANE, BeyondBlue or Mind and leave them in conspicuous places in your loved one’s home;
- Being patient and don’t pressure your loved one – it might take many conversations before you are able to get a breakthrough and have your loved one agree to seek treatment. Never forget that although your loved one is struggling with depression, they remain a human being and have the right to refuse medical treatment.
If your loved one speaks of suicide or self-harm, arrange for urgent intervention, even if this means hospitalising them against their own will.
After the diagnosis – what you can do to help
After your loved one has been diagnosed as experiencing depression, you are still very much a part of their recovery plan. Recovery from depression is a personal and subjective experience and may take the form of medication, psychotherapy or alternative medicine. In order to show your support you can:
- Offer to go with your loved one to appointments or even just drive them there if that’s all they want;
- Call or visit regularly just to see how they’re going. Social isolation can increase feelings of depression so don’t let your loved one fight this beast on their own.
- Help out around the house. For people experiencing depression it can be an achievement to even get out of bed in the morning, let alone do housework or cook.
Depression is a medical condition which affects not only the person diagnosed but their friends and family members as well. Let your loved one know that you care about them and that you will be with them throughout their journey to recovery (even if it means answering phone calls at 2am in the morning).
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