Ways to Survive a Loss By Death
When a Loved One Dies, the Bereaved Undergoes a Healing Process
Oct 24, 2007
Here are ways to facilitate and survive during the healing process.
Recognize the Loss
Expect to be in shock for a while. You may struggle to believe that the loss could have happened to you. You may wonder if you are strong enough to bear such a loss. It has happened. It is real. Recognize that a loss has taken place.
Accept the Pain
You're hurting. To feel pain after a loss is normal, a sign that you are able to respond to life's experiences. Although you may find yourself frightened by it, be with your pain. It is important in the healing process that you experience the desolation and feel the hurt. Don't deny it. Be with it. Accept it…and hurt.
Give Yourself a Break
Your self-esteem may have suffered a jolt, and your thoughts may be full of guilt, anger, pain and hurt. These thoughts are symptoms of the stress you are going through. Don't punish yourself with any thought that begins with "If only." Your task is to make your journey from your loss to eventual gain as smooth and comfortable as possible.
Give Yourself Time to Heal
The healing process takes time. The greater the loss, the more time it will take to heal. In the speed and immediacy of modern life, we are not accustomed to giving ourselves time. You require time to heal. Give yourself the luxury of healing time.
Be Aware that the Healing Process Has its Progressions and Regressions
The process of healing is not the smooth progression many people assume. It has full of progressions and regressions, dramatic leaps and depressing backslides. Just when you think you did well yesterday, you hear a song that reminds you of your loved one and you're off balance again. Accept this 'roller coaster' and keep in mind that the healing process will come and is under way.
Get Enough Rest Yet Keep to a Schedule
Include rest in your schedule as much as you need, but don't be lazy. While your internal world is chaotic, keep your external activities in place. But do only as much as is comfortable. A balance of rest and productive work will help rest your emotions. The most efficient healing takes place when sufficient rest and dynamic activity are alternated.
Eat Nutritious Food
Be healthy with your food even if you have small appetite. In some cases, the reverse may be true with eating excessively to fill a void. Go slow with junk food, alcohol or caffeinated drinks.
Plan Activities During these Difficult Times
- Weekends
- Saturday nights
- Holidays
- Early mornings or twilights
- Days of special meanings such as birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc.
Try to avoid being alone during these difficult times. Plan and schedule activities that you find particularly comforting.
Avoid Making Major Decisions
Expect your judgment to be clouded these days, therefore, keep major decisions to a minimum or postpone them if possible, at least for a while. Friends and family can make minor decisions for you, if you feel comfortable with it. Enough change has taken place already, that's why you're hurting.
Welcome Offers of Comfort
It's okay to need comfort. Accept understanding and support from friends, family and coworkers. If they care, they will help. An emotional wound is real, disabling and painful. In addition to friends and family, you may bring other living things into your life-space:
- new plant
- puppy
- kitty
- new coffee mates
- goldfish
Feel free to seek the help of a professional, if you need to. Check the telephone book under "Social Services" or "Welfare Organizations."
Let the healing process happen and trust that you will survive.
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